It has been hard to gather my feelings but tonight I was sitting on the couch and all the sudden tears came out of nowhere. All these feelings I have bottled up inside for so long finally came pouring out and I thought, "It's time. It's time to write."
So I find myself on my bed typing away. This is more for me than anyone and who knows if I will even share it but I was inspired to write my feelings down by a fellow friend and blogger.
A little over a year ago, I found myself quitting my "Corporate America" job to stay home and be more of a mother and caretaker to my Hannah girl (and Emmy girl). It was with tremendous faith that I did this, not knowing where the money would come from each month, not knowing how we would adjust.
I found Joe and myself living month to month, spiritually, financially, emotionally, etc. I knew it was still the right thing and I found myself doing daycare to keep us afloat. I love the kids I babysat for and am grateful that I was a able to have a small part in their lives.
Here is the catch. Even with me being home, Hannah was not coping well with me watching children and I was not making enough money. So I found myself, a year later, doing a re-do. For those who are new to this "game" or blog, I wrote my first blog a little over a year ago announcing why I chose to be a stay-at-home mom. (http://managervsmom.blogspot.com/2013/01/conference-calls-vs-couponing.html) I thought it would be fun to compare being at home versus my corporate life. The further time passed, the more I forgot corporate life and focused simply on my faith and family.
Well guess what, I am now back to work....ha ha ha. Joke is on all those who thought I could stay home. Nah, actually I probably would keep doing it if it hadn't taken such a huge toll on our financial state and Hannah's emotional state. So I pondered and prayed on what to do. Then one day, Joe found himself throwing up and staying home from work and I found myself with a job opportunity that literally fell in my lap.
I started last week working as a Para-Professional or Life Coach for Special Education. This has allowed me to bring in the income and only work while Hannah is at school. I now know why this job fell in my lap. First off, I want to say how incredibly rewarding this job is. I get to work with some of God's most choice Spirits, every...single....day.
Second, my eyes have been clearly opened to see my special daughter in a whole new light. It has taught me to have patience with her and that her asking and obsessing over the weather every night and day is actually entertaining. Her social awkwardness is who she is and you will not meet a more honest 8-year-old because of the lack of her "filter." It has helped me cater to her differently when she has her panic attacks and her outbursts. Boy, after all these enlightening revelations, I sure felt like a crappy, crappy mom from what I was doing before. I think the Lord knew I could learn more patience with my daughter through working with these amazing individuals and for that I am so blessed.
I am so blessed to have the opportunity for this redo. Hopefully this will allow me to bring in the finances we desperately need but more importantly, help me to be a better mom to BOTH of my daughters.
Tonight I felt my depressed state of the last several months lifted and I wept tears of joy of this new venture.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain."- Vivian Greene
