KID talk

So I have a problem.

When I was working outside the home, I was very involved with the adult world.  In fact, that's all I dealt with.  I maybe dealt with kids(including my own) 2 hours a day tops.  I always loved kids, it just wasn't part of my job.  In fact, I always wanted to be a teacher.  That was my dream.  Instead, I ended up in the corporate world, babysitting adults and metrics.

When I quit working, I dabbled a little here and a little there with what I wanted to do.  Then there became a need for me to start babysitting a child for a friend.  Then it became babysitting another kid for another friend.  Then it became babysitting two more children for another friend.  And then pretty soon, I had people chasing me down to babysit their children...which I was fine with because I needed the money.

So now my day consists of cartoons, learning our letters and animal sounds, doing a craft with Cheerios, breaking up arguments and singing songs...every day.  AND I love it!  But here is the problem...

There are women in the neighborhood who do get-togethers at the park and restaurants and what not.  It sounds fun and they invite everyone.  In my head, it sounds like fun but my stomach and anxiety say otherwise.  I feel like if I go and socialize I will squish up like a bug caught in a spider's web.

I guess I have come to the conclusion that I only speak "Kid" now.  I get anxiety thinking about interacting with adults.  What do I talk about?  It's not like I can sit there and sing "ABC's" and "Old McDonald" with them.  That would actually be kinda funny.  

Going to anything that has to do with mingling with other women scares me.  Is it because I am more comfortable with kids?  Heck yes it is.  They are fun!  You can make funny faces and laugh silly and dance.  And they say the darndest things!  One little girl told me she is scared of the rain because her mom will blow away.  Another one told me that I better get an apple tree and bucket so she can pick an apple for her mom.  The older ones I can be sarcastic with. 

I love these little ones.  

I guess talking with kids and making lions for the letter L is much more fun than giving a quarterly presentation on my metrics.  

And as far as interacting with adults...well...

"You will find more happiness growing down than up." -Author Unknown

Dear Mr. Ullman

This is a letter I wrote today...thought I would share.  Maybe if enough people see it, then my sister can go to school without suffering from heat exhaustion.

Dear Mr. Ullman,

                Now I know you are a newly appointed CEO.  I congrulate you for that.  I want to tell you a story.  My mom and I had a conversation yesterday.  She had just picked up my sister from high school for another half day.  This is her 8^th day in a row of half days.  You see, she attends JCPenney High School in Hamilton, MO.  You may or may not know this but JC Penney high school was named after the founder of your company.  He grew up in Hamilton, MO.  There is even a museum there for him.  This high school is famous for their sports in their small town.  The town rallies around their school, especially for football season.  But it is awfully hard for these kids to get the education they deserve when they have half days.  You know why they have had half days every single day since school started???  Because their school doesn’t have air conditioning!!!  It is so dang hot that they have to let the kids out before noon because it gets too hot in the school.  My sister said she has migraines from the heat.  Today the classroom tempurature reached 93 degrees.  They have the same problem at the end of the school year.  So why am I writing you?  Because this is the school named after your company--This school is your founder’s school!!!  These kids could possibly be working for you some day…and they can’t have a full day of education because it’s so blasted hot in YOUR company’s school.  Granted, I know they probably enjoy having half days except they don’t enjoy the time they are at school with the heat and can’t concentrate because their heads are pounding.

Now I know there was a ton of controversy around the ad you presented about kids being the “cool” kids at school by what they wear and it entices bullying.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/14/jcpenney-back-to-school-ad_n_3756517.html (I actually shop at JCPenney’s.  I bought my daughter’s clothes there last year and I currently buy my husband’s clothes there because you sell Big and Tall clothes at a decent price.  I appreciate you doing that!)  But here is the deal,  I think you can redeem yourselves here by actually making these kids “cool” at your school.  It’s not just the kids, but can you imagine being a teacher and teaching in the hot building?  I can’t even imagine...I keep my thermostat at 70!  Now I know they didn’t have air conditioning back when James Cash Penney was born in 1875, but we are in the 21^st century.  Technology is expanding every day and having a background working with Apple, you should know this.  If you want these kids to be the next generation, they the need a FULL day of education EVERY DAY…not just when it’s cool enough for them to attend.

I really look forward to hearing that you had taken a great intiative as new CEO, and taken this little school in Hamilton, MO under your wing and make it a “cool” school!

Sincerely,

Tina Sterzer, a concerned sister

"I will be back when I want it. Not when I need it."

There is this episode in M.A.S.H. where Hawkeye decides to give up drinking for one week after he receives his bar tab.  The first day he feels great.  A couple of days later, he is feeling grumpy.  On the fifth day, he is operating on a North Korean who starts to set a grenade off in the operating room.  Hawkeye catches it and with the help of Father Mulcahy, they are able to disarm the grenade.  It then shows a scene where the group is sitting at the bar and they order their drinks.  Hawkeye orders a drink.  Everyone is shocked and he says, "Hey, look, I need this drink."  Then he looks at the drink and sets it down.  He gets up from the bar and says, "I will be back when I want it.  Not when I need it."

On Thursday, I was folding some clothes and I just happened to turn on the TV to Katie Couric.  I was just catching the beginning of the last interview.  The show was about moms whose vices, or coping mechanisms of dealing with the day to day grind, turn into addictions.  I guess in the two previous interviews, she had talked with women who had used alcohol and prescription meds to cope.  The last interview I found very interesting.

This lady was addicted to Facebook.  From the time she woke up in the morning till about 3 am the next morning, she was on Facebook.  She had over 5000 friends...and most were people she had never even met.  She would read their posts, create her own, obsess over who commented and liked her posts and do it all over again.  She would ignore her family.  She said she may have been there physically but she was not there mentally.  She also said that is how she communicated with people.  Her family became this virtual world of people who she did not know in person.  This particular interview resonated with me.

Friday morning, I had a conversation with my husband about his friend's wife.  He said she was always on Facebook or reading and never got anything done around the house.  He was working and had to come home and clean and do laundry and cook, all while she was on Facebook.

I then found myself justifying me getting on Facebook to my husband.  "Well, I only check a couple of times a day for this, and this and this..."  Then somehow, me playing my games on my phone was brought up.  I had never thought about it in that way.  I do play games on my phone.  Especially at night, when I am not watching kids anymore.  I use it as my way to "unwind" from the day.  It leaves my husband and I both in bed, on our phones.  He reads "Tom's Hardware" and I play games.  Then I turn on M.A.S.H. and we fall asleep.  This is usually our nightly routine.

All day on Friday, it started to bother me.  Am I spending too much time on Facebook and my games?  What would I be doing otherwise?  Maybe I would read more scripture, lose weight, meet more friends in person, etc.

So on Friday night, I told me husband I was giving up Facebook, games and texting for 48 hours.  (I thought too much communication happened on Facebook for me to go longer than that.)  He was shocked.  He asked me why.  I told him because I wanted to....and I needed to.  I needed to see how addicted I was. 

So Friday night at midnight (yes, I was up) I turned it off and signed out.  Saturday morning I woke and thought, This is going to be easy.  I got ready and went grocery shopping, without bringing my phone.  Then around 3 o'clock, I start convulsing....ok, not really, but I did start to get anxiety.  I wanted to check Facebook soooo bad!  I wanted to play my games.  I told myself to snap out of it and I moved on with my day.  I cooked dinner with my family and that night, in bed, I talked with my husband instead of playing on my phone.

Now Sunday became interesting.  I woke up and immediately went to check my phone.  Then I realized I was still on sabbatical from Facebook.  I was doing somewhat okay until they made the announcement in Church that there was to be no more auxiliary Facebook groups.  That we should model after the Church in this regard.

Ummmm, I thought, was it premonition that I give up Facebook?  I mean some of the whole reason I was on Facebook was to check the women's group to see who needed help, who the new person was in town, when activities were...etc, etc, etc. 

I got home from church to find my phone buzzing with Facebook friend requests from people that I didn't know.  So I received permission to get on Facebook from my husband and jumped on.  I checked the women's group and found many interesting comments about the whole situation and found that many women had decided to start Facebook friend  requesting everyone in the group because of the "close" bond the group shared.  

I mulled it over and over how I felt about this.  I thought about all the times I had used that group.  Heck, that group helped me feel comfortable going back to church again after I quit my job.  I felt like I knew them because of that group.  It broke my heart.  Then my whole outlook on this "No Facebook"  journey began to shift into something more.

Today, I woke up knowing that I could check Facebook.  I realized I really didn't want to.  Then something interesting happened... my house got really, really clean.  Sure I cleaned my house before, but not like this.  Then you know what else happened... my husband and I had a really good talk.  One that I had been avoiding...  My anxiety of having my "blanket" with me all the time was now gone.  It was almost relief.  

I think Facebook can be a wonderful tool.  It has reunited me with some wonderful people in my life.  It helps me update my family on my life, all at once.  I get spiritual messages from it.  Really good recipes.  But you know what it became...it became a blanket for covering up real communication...and I never had really thought about it that way before.  

When was the last time I walked over to a friend's house to say "Hi?"  I don't remember because I have on Facebook.   When was the last time I sent pictures in the mail to my loved ones?  I don't because I post them on Facebook.  When was the last time I introduced myself in person to a neighbor?  Before I had Facebook...

Our behavior as society has totally changed from "the good 'ol days."  Everyone HAS a Facebook account.  That's how we communicate....will it change? No.  But I can change me.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I don't want Facebook to be a distraction from who I really am.  I don't want my games to be a distraction.  There are a lot more things in my life that I need.  It's been nice to have these "distractions" in my life but my life is going to continue on for awhile without it... at least as often.  So if you want the joys of being my friend, which I think I make a dang good one, let's do it outside of the virtual world. 

The ironic thing is when I am done writing this, I am going to post it on Facebook.  How else are ya'll going to read it?

A Place called Home

The other day I was talking to a friend who is looking to sell her house.  She was telling me that the realtor had an interior designer come in and tell her everything in her home that was wrong and what she needed to change.  She felt not only overwhelmed with what the designer had said she needed to do, but sadden that the designer told her to either redo or take down a lot of the decorations in her home that she had personally made.

Today I was looking around my house as I was cleaning.  I thought I would be screwed if I had an interior designer come into my home. 

When you walk into my home, on the wall I have a sign that says, "Bienvenidos. Mi casa es su casa." It means, "Welcome, my home is your home."  Ya, it's kinda ugly, but I love the message.  I purchased it when we went on a family cruise to Mexico.  On that same wall, I have four pieces of paper with stickers on them. These are my "Manners BINGO" charts for the children I tend.  This has helped teach them manners and to be kind.

You walk over to the entertainment center, which in itself is a design disaster.  I have a clay hand print with a heart painted on it and next to that I have a long, wooden block that has "I love you MOM" written in pen.  My little, artsy Hannah-girl made these for me.  Down from that, I have a wooden block that has a small town carved in it.  I bought this off a little boy who was selling them in Mexico, on that same cruise vacation.  Next thing I know, I had a bunch of little kids surrounding me.  I was holding a piece of lemon pie at the time and I gave it to them.  They stood around it fighting over a bite of it as I walked away, giggling.  Under that shelf, I have a boy and girl porcelain doll that are kissing.  My great-grandma gave this to me because it reminded her of my husband and me.  The boy has dark hair and the girl has blond hair with curls in it.  It was always on my Grandma's mantle growing up and now when I look at it, I think of her.

If you walk over to the stairs in my home, I have 4 screws underneath an opening in the wall.  The screws are where we hang our stockings every year at Christmas time.  On the other side of that wall, I have two screw eye-lits which are still there from when we had to put the baby gate up when Emilee began walking three years ago.  At the bottom of the stairs, are two bleach stains.  Those are from when my sister was living with us and was cleaning out her hamster cage.  By the way, she snuck that stupid hamster into the house when we told her "No Pets!"

If you turn to the kitchen,  my fridge is overloaded with artwork and wedding invitations.  Next to my sink, are some really ugly, ceramic frogs that have chipped away over the years.  They were also my great-grandma's who gave them to me because she knew I loved frogs.

In the corner by the couches, is a three drawer artbox and toys for my children and those I take care of to have access to at anytime, so they can express their creativity.

If you look on my back doors, I have hard water stains because this summer we bought a trampoline and set up the sprinklers to spray on the tramp....well it also hit the doors.

As I looked around, a smile came across my face.

Screw the interior designers!  Ya, my house is no Pier1, but every decoration, item and stain in my house is there for a reason, good or maybe not-so-good.  But it is what makes my house my home.

My house is well-loved but it is what my family calls their home.  

There are two signs that hang above my couch:

One says "Sterzer: Home is where the story begins."

The other,

"Home Sweet Home"

I guess I won't be moving anytime soon!!!

When a woman loves...

This morning I looked in the mirror.  I had dark circles under my eyes.  Mascara smeared in the corners.  Eczema has spread on my face from stress.  I looked sad...worn out.  The last couple of days written all over of my face.

I have spent the last couple of days up with my husband mourning the rapid decline of my Father in law.  I have had thoughts in my mind for a while and now is the the time for me to compose them.

My "Pops"  has taken a decline over the last couple of months and I have seen what it means for a woman to love a man.

They moved in April and his Alzheimer's did not do well with the move.  To make a long story short, he was put in a home temporarily to calm him down.  During that time, everything my Mother-in-law did was for him.  She worked tirelessly to get the home set up for him.  His chair, his office, locked cabinets.  Every action was for him.

We then realized he was not coming home.  Every thought then turned to making him comfortable, what he could eat, putting up pictures and decorating his new home.  Her love for him shined through every thought and deed.

Friday, when he decided it was time to get ready to leave this Earth, she was by his side.  I have had the pleasure of observing her nurturing actions over the last couple of months.

When a woman loves a man...she is kind.  She is patient.  She is tired yet endures to the end.  She mourns.

With all going on, my mom was going to surprise me for my birthday.  I called her crying on Friday.  Saturday she sacrificed a lot to make it here late Sunday night.  Even her blow dryer.

She came and helped in every way possible.  She let me laugh.  She let me cry.  She cooked me a special dinner.  She cleaned and did laundry.

When a woman loves a child...she nurtures. She protects.  She serves.

I have watched my sister-in-laws lay by his side.  They have worked to make him comfortable.  Massages on his hands, cold cloths on his head.  Kisses on his hands and forehead.  Tears.  Laughter.  Sacrifice to be by his side.

When a woman loves her parents...she is loyal.  She observes.  She ministers.

Through all of this, all of us have relied on prayers.  We have looked to the heavens for comfort.  My sister-in-law said a wonderful family prayer.  We know this is the plan our Father up Above has for each one of us. Even if it means giving up the ones we love while here on Earth.

When a woman loves the Lord, she obeys. She sacrifices.  She finds comfort through Him.

I have found comfort in the love that I have observed.  Even though I have baggy, dark eyes, these eyes have seen the greatest gift of all...L.O.V.E.

We will miss you POPS!

A girl named Jill

Once a upon a time there was a beautiful baby born.  It was May 4, 1962.  Her parents named her Jill.  That name had some meaning as it was the name of a aunt who had passed away as a newborn.  She was the oldest.  As she grew, she would have a few challenges.  She had to have leg braces to help straighten how she walked.  She was very loved.

Her father always had confidence in her and trusted her.  He would always want Jill to drive instead of Jill's mother.  She was always a leader and people would follow her, in good and in bad.  If she wanted to skip school, people would follow.  If she wanted to serve someone, people would follow.

She was born when her Aunt Linda was 14.  She thought she was the cutest baby ever seen.  Linda and Jill became very close over the years.  When Jill was 8, she stayed with Linda all the time.  She was so grown up.  She would help clean and always wanted to go where Linda was going, even to a boy-girl mutual activity.  When Jill would grow to be 16,  Linda let her drive her little green car downtown and back.  She got off the freeway by Linda's house and Linda thought they were going to "crash and burn."  However, they are still both alive today.  Some thoughts from Linda on Jill:  "She always thought she was a free spirit.  Jill always has her own agenda.  She is creative, talented, pretty, and has always worked hard.  She is fun to be around and when I am with her I don't know which one of us is the oldest.  She never gives up and she lights up a room with her presence." 
Eventually along would come her sister, Cindee.  Cindee and her would be come great friends.  They would go on several "ghostly" adventures together and make friends with the ghosts.  They also liked late night talks.  One night, they stayed up till two in the morning and and she was playing with the wick of Cindee's candle.  She went to go to the bathroom only to realize she had covered her face, the bedsheets and everything she had touched in black from the wick.  When they were older, Cindee had a child named Liz.  Jill would be Liz's only aunt.  One particular evening, Liz and Jill decided they were going to re-do Liz's room. So they went Lowe's and bought the stuff and when Cindee woke up in the morning, the room had been completely redone.  They had stayed up till 4 in the morning to get it done.  Those were some of Cindee's most treasured memories of her.

After Cindee, came her brother Daren, who he would grow up to play with Words with Friends with her.  This became a very competitive game on a daily basis.

John then came along as another brother.  John loved it when Jill would come get him on the weekends when he was a teenager and they would go bowling at the 49th street Galleria and hang out at her house.  She would always try to set him up with girls from Church.  Jill was a big part of him growing up.  He misses the relationship that they had growing up and before she moved away.  He is thankful for what she did for him and he misses her a lot.

After John, the baby of the family was born.  His name was Tim.  When he was born, Jill's mother could not take the crying any more and often left him to cry so she could get some sleep.  Jill would always say "You can't let this child cry!"  And her mother would wake up to find baby Tim wrapped in Jill's arms, both asleep.  

Later, Jill would grow up and have six children of her own.

Her oldest daughter, Tina was her "favorite" child.  Tina always loved the many road trips she had with her mother and absoluely loves every time they are together.  Today, Tina's siblings often say to her, "You are just like Mom."  She takes that as a compliment as her mother is a youthful person who loves to serve her fellow man.  That is a great lesson that Jill taught her children.

Christopher was her eldest son.  He loves her unconditional love and patience.  She always supported him even when the decisions he made where not the best.  He is grateful for the sacrifices she has made for him.  He really enjoyed the days he spent with her on the way to Utah to drop him off at the MTC.

Jacob was the third child.  He loves a certain mannerism about her.  When she is showing how to do something, she always gets really excited  and explains exactly what to do and why...for example, when giving directions on how to make cookies, she tells you the exact brand to use and of course we all know it is "Ghirardelli chocolate."

The fourth child she named Kaylee.  Kaylee loves her room and so the best memories of her mother Jill, were spent in her room.  One day, Jill came into Kaylee's room and laid on her bed.  She looked at Kaylee and said "I'm sad, I can't do anything perfect." So Kaylee did what she does best and played music therapist. Kaylee responded with "OH I HAVE A SONG THAT WILL HELP YOU."  She then proceeded to turn on "Nobody's Perfect" by Hannah Montana.  When the song ended, she got up and nodded and goes "Thanks that really helped."  Another time, Kaylee took her turn being sad and Jill came into Kaylee's room and sat in her chair and asked what was wrong...10 seconds later, Jill spotted tweezers on Kaylee's floor and she gets up, lays on the floor and plucks out her chin hair...They never discussed why Kaylee was sad.  Kaylee recalls another account of Jill.  Jill was mad because Jill's husband, Larry wouldn't let her do anything with the house, so she came into Kaylee's room again and laid on her bed.  Kaylee turned to face her and asked her what was wrong, She then whispered "wanna help me burn down the house?"

Salena was her fifth child.  (I know, a lot of children, right? but she loves them all even if Tina is her favorite.)  Salena loved spending time with her mom.  She loved all the the fun times they have had together, especially shopping.  Salena loves that her mom has such a young spirit and she is able to relate to her all the time.  She is able to talk to her all the time about anything and she won't get...too mad.

Jill's baby was Levi.  And what an adorable child he was.  One day, Levi wrote a letter to his mom and this is what it said, "You are the best mom i'm happy your my mom.I'm grateful for all the things you get me.You are also pretty funny,and i like that.I'm happy your my mother! I love you very much thank you for giving me life. You mean the world to me mom there is not a better mother in the world you are number 1."  It was very cute.  By the end of it, she was crying.  (Cue the tears, Mom.)

Jill married the love of her life on February 19th, 1993.  One year, on her birthday, he wrote this message to her. "What can I say about this wonderful lady?  She is one of the most caring people I know. Jill is the love of my life.  She has been a great friend and a wonderful wife. It has been the best 20 years of my life and it will continue on for 20 more.  Jill has the most wonderful spirit and I absolutely love that about her.  She is the most beautiful lady that I know, in side and out. Jill always thinks of others before herself.  She has a heart of gold  I am so glad that she is a part of my life but most of all my best friend and wife. Jill, I love you more everyday and always will. I just can’t wait to grow old and gray with you. I am so glad that you are the mother of my children and a great mother. Jill, I just want to say again that I love you with all my heart and this will never change XOXOXOXOX  THANK YOU! FROM YOUR HUSBAND AND FRIEND."  Ahhhh, how cute is that!

This story came about in celebration of the day Jill was born.  Her family loves her so very much.  We are so blessed to have her in our lives!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

Climbing the Pyramid

When I was a senior in high school, I went on a once in lifetime trip to Mexico to study Spanish.  There, a group of students and myself, each lived with a family there in Mexico.  We went to school everyday to learn Spanish.  To add to it, we traveled ALL OVER Mexico to learn about the culture.  It was an amazing experience.

Hannah came home from school and told me that her class was learning a Mexican dance for a dance competition for school.  I suddenly had the urge to dig through our basement and find my buried treasures of Mexico.

Among them, was my journal I had kept while on this extended trip.  I starting reading the entries and all those fun memories came back.  I then read a journal entry that was amazing and the adrenaline of the experience came to life inside me once again.

One of the things we did when we were there was go to the pyramids.  There were two large pyramids there and rows and rows of smaller ones.  The two large pyramids are called the "Piramide del Sol," (Pyramid of the Sun) and the "Piramide del luna" (Pyramid of the moon).  Our group decided to climb the Pyramid of the Sun, the larger of the pyramids.  What a crazy, amazing experience this was.  There are about 250 stairs to climb to the top that are about a foot each.  I remember standing at the bottom of the pyramid thinking, How in the world am I going to climb this?  My friends and I were some of the last ones up.  We were with a trackstar, who ran his way up.  Ridicilously fast.  When I read my journal entry about the experience, I really couldn't believe what I wrote:

"One step at a time.  That is my motto for how I live my life and when I climbed that pyramid and reached the top, it reminded me a lot about life.  When I first started climbing, it was easy.  Then step by step, my legs started to hurt and I felt the burn, but when I reached the top, I felt a sense of accomplishment and I knew if I could climb a pyramid, I can conquer any problem that comes my way.  It was fun sitting at the top and looking down.  I was on top of the world."

I kinda was taken back by this entry.  That was 12 years ago and I think of all the "steps"  I have overcome. Some were easy.  My choice to marry my husband, one of the easy steps ever.  My choice to quit my career at T-mobile, not so easy.  Some steps can be named "Life goes on," "Take deep breaths" or "Get over it,"  as those are the ones where I get stupid anxiety and I need to tell myself those things.  Yet, when we get to the top of our trials or have an experience where we are "on top of the world", we look down at the "world" and think of how we got there and feel a wonderful sense of accomplishment or relief.

When I climbed that pyramid, we stayed up there for a good hour or so.  We took it all in.  You could see for miles and miles of this beautiful ancient land.  Then we ended back down.  Going down was a ton easier, then going up.  When we got to the bottom, it was a different view then when we first stood at the bottom.  I looked back up and thought I climbed that.

Each of us have pyramids in our lives that we have to face.  It can seem very overwhelming when we are looking from the bottom up, before we start to climb.  Yet when we get to the top, what a wonderful feeling it is that we survived that trial, we made it through.  Sometimes we are a trackstar and recover from it quickly.  Other times, it can take a lot longer as we mourn and grieve.  Most importantly, we can't let ourselves get stuck on one step or we will never make it to the top.

Eventually, if we let ourselves, life CAN go on and we can reach the top and look down and say "Ha world, take that!"

How to Survive...

It's been awhile since I have written.  I have been busy taking on new "projects" but I have been approached by 4 different women lately about being a working Mom outside the home and "how did I do it?"

Here is the deal...millions of Moms do it every day.  As women, especially in this economy, we have to "step up to the plate" and help support our families.  Sometimes, women are left single and don't have a choice.  In fact, there are more moms working outside the home than not.  Many, many people thought I was crazy for leaving my very well paying job to stay home, "especially in this economy."  For my family, it was the right choice.  And just to be clear, I still work...I just do it from home.

Everyone is different.  There were days when I was happy to be at work instead of dealing with the whining and fighting.  Other days, when my child was sick or would cry for me, it was hard to drop them off.

The main thing was for me to be as organized as I possibly could.  I was in no means perfect, but it helped if I was organized and I cheated.

Here is the break down of "how I did it":

Step One:  Split the duties.  Joe was very supportive in breaking up the "duties" around the house.  If I cooked, he did dishes, etc.  (In fact, it is still like that.)  Let's be honest though, most nights we went out. :)  If I worked later, I would try and put something in the CrockPot before work.  If you don't have someone to split duties with, I champion you and am your BIGGEST FAN!

Step Two:  I cheated.  I hired a "cleaning lady."  She just happened to be my sister-in-law and she would come every two weeks to get the heavy cleaning done.

Step Three:  I did a load of laundry every night.  After dinner, Joe would take the girls down to his "mad scientist" basement and I would fold laundry.  I would also try and "straighten up" one room every other night.

Step Four:  Joe and I would put the girls to bed at 8.  This consisted of a bed-time story and family prayer.  Then was downtime.

Step Five:  Rest and Go grocery shopping on my days off.

That is Tina's formula.  Just to be clear.  I was in survival mode.  I did what I could to get through the day and every day was different.

Every single woman is different and has different situations.  I fully support and praise women living in today's society.  It is not easy...but it is worth it.

Quitting vs Quitter

When I was 18 years old, I was working as a Scan Manager for Grocery Warehouse (Albertsons.)  It was summer time, in between school seasons.  I decided to pick up a second job as a hostess at a local Mexican restaurant.  I did it so I could pay my car off earlier.  Quickly after being hired as a hostess, the owner wanted to promote me to cocktail waitress.  I would be able to make more money doing this because of tips. Never having a drink in my life or knowing anything about alcohol, I had to quickly memorize the drinks and take a test on them. I passed the test and began my job as a waitress.  

My first day was a nightmare.  I spilled a red margarita on a lady's white pant suit.  I forgot appetizers and the other waitresses were not happy to compete for tips. At the end of my shift, I was exhausted.  I didn't want to give up even though I hated being associated with something I didn't believe in.  I continued for a month.  During that month, I learned a lot.  I learned the married owner was sleeping with the manager.  I learned that one of the waitresses was sleeping with the married bartender.  I learned that if you got too close to drunk men, they would pinch your butt, ask for your number and stalk you in the parking lot. (That was in the days when I had a butt.  Anyone who knows me now, knows I have "worked my butt off" literally and is no longer there.)  I learned that waitresses would place wrong orders on purpose so they could pour the "wrong drink" into their soda drinks and drink on the job.  I learned that drunk people can't tell one zero from two.  

Finally after being harassed from all the waitresses about not drinking and joining in with them, (ya, forget the fact I was underage) I talked with the owner and gave my two weeks.  I told him about all their shenanigans and told him I was quitting.  I didn't not want to be part of it.  He told me he wanted me to stay and he would talk to them.  I told him I would still be quitting.  My first shift after I "talked" to him was even more of a nightmare.  The girls harassed me all night for "tattling" on them.  It was a rough night.

After I went home, I decided I wasn't going back.  I didn't show for my next shift.  The manager called for me and I said I wasn't home (I pretended to be my mom.)  I had to quit.  I was done.

I have never really liked the word "quitter."  I think "quitting" something and being a "quitter" are two completely different things.  

Does one "quit" a job because they are a "quitter" or because they need to make more money, it is damaging to their emotional well-being or they need to be at home with their children?

Is one a "quitter" on their marriage because they just simply give up or because they want to "quit" fighting and being unhappy?

Is one a "quitter" of a sport they love because it is just simply too hard or because they want to "quit" hurting their knees and going home every night in pain?

Does one "quit" trying because they are a "quitter" or because they don't have the support they need to keep going?

Does one "quit" because they know that something is better for them if they do?  

Is one a "quitter" when they give up, when they stop living because they don't know how to live anymore?

Do we not become "quitters" because we have something to prove?

Do we "quit" because what we are doing is unhealthy mentally, physically or spiritually?

I have seen a lot of people "quit" in my life...but few are "quitters."  

I was called a "quitter" by a few when I didn't show up for my next shift that day.  Something I didn't think was in me to do.  But I "quit" trying to be something I wasn't.  I "quit" being around things that made me uncomfortable.

There are tons of quotes about "not quitting" and "don't ever quit; it's giving up." Blah, blah blah!!!  No!  Being a "quitter" is giving up.  Quitting is, well just, living.

So Emilee, it is okay to "quit" making messes and making mad faces at me, really I promise it is.  Hannah, it is okay to "quit" whining and leaving your socks everywhere, I promise it won't hurt you.  And Honey, I love you for not ever being a "quitter" on me.

Osayi Osar-Emokpae said it better than I could ever say it:
“Quitting is not giving up, it's choosing to focus your attention on something more important. Quitting is not losing confidence, it's realizing that there are more valuable ways you can spend your time. Quitting is not making excuses, it's learning to be more productive, efficient and effective instead. Quitting is letting go of things (or people) that are sucking the life out of you so you can do more things that will bring you strength.” 

Acceptance vs Acknowledgement

I will never forget that day.  

Hannah was 4 months old.  At the time, I was the front-end manager for Albertsons.     

It was a Tuesday, the day I was suppose to go in and write the schedule.  I remember sitting on the couch in the living room and Hannah laying there, screaming.  I sat there, staring at this baby who would not stop screaming.  I just stared at her.  I let her scream.  I started crying.  I cried and cried and cried.  I couldn't really be a mom, could I?  I then knew and accepted the fact that I needed help. 

I called my work first and told them I would be in later that night to write the schedule.  I then made the call to my doctor.  They immediately called in a prescription for me.  I had it...postpartum depression.  Postpartum depression is very real.  I didn't know how real until I acknowledged that I had it.

A couple of days later, my boss called me into her office. Something she had never done before.  She asked me what was going on.  I guess many of my employees had complained that I was not myself and not getting the job done.  I then proceeded to tell her that I had a meltdown; that I had talked to the doctor and was starting on a prescription.  She then opened up to me.  Again something I have never experienced from her before.  She told me she recently had a breakdown at work and was put on the same medication as me.  She was suffering from depression as well.  I told her I should start to feel better within the next couple of weeks and she would see an improvement.

I then went home and cried.  I cried and cried and cried some more.  I then accepted the fact I was miserable in my job and it was time to find a new one.  Joe was working at T-Mobile at the time and they offered me a part time job.  I accepted the position after some persuasion.

I then began to feel better.  I had my head on straight and a new job.  A breath of fresh air.

Today I was with Emmy.  Emmy is a very vibrant child.  I am CONVINCED she has A.D.D.  She is so stinkin' smart but she does not focus when you are trying to talk to her.

I tried to get her to go on the potty three times today.  All three times, right after she would tell me "No,"  she peed her pants.

Then I received a call from Hannah saying she was sick and she needed me to go get her from school.  I had to clean up Emmy from her potty mess and then I started to look for my keys.

I searched high and low for them and they were no where to be found.  I asked Emmy several times where they were since she was playing with them yesterday.  She just ignored me.  I looked for a whole hour.  I FINALLY got her attention and she responds, "I know where they are mommy."  She opens the front door and takes me to the side of the house.  She had buried them in the dirt.

I laughed and cried at the same time.  I wanted to freak out and scream and act like two but I acknowledged that my Emmy is a 3-year-old.  She is still learning and I am the adult.  I got her in the car and we picked Hannah.  Hannah asked me what took so long and I told her.  We both laughed about it.  We got home and I took a deep breath.  I had calmed down. I hugged Emilee.  I told her I loved her.  

In full disclosure, being a manager is not nearly as hard as being a Mom.  I acknowledge that I am not a perfect parent by any means.  But boy am I glad I accepted the job!

Although, Emilee, let's not bury Mommy's keys any more.

100 things

During Christmas time, one of my cute, little employees bought one of my other cute, little employees a book.  It was called "The Book of Awesome."  We sat there, as a team, and read it together.  This book is awesome.  After reading bits and pieces of it, I called my mom and told her that is what I wanted for Christmas.  Lo and behold, she got it for me...plus the second edition.

This book points out the tiniest things in life that are awesome.  The sound of cutting construction paper, the last crumb in a bag of potato chips, "the first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter", "bedhead all day long"... well you get the point.  I love these books because they recognize the good things in life.

A little bit ago, my sister-in-law posted on Facebook the "12 things Happy people do differently."  Number one was "Express Gratitude."  I truly believe this.  I feel the happiest when I notice the "awesome" things in my life.

My heart is full today.  I am grateful.  I decided today I would express my gratitude and that is truly why I am feeling happy today.  Sometimes in my life, if I step back and really take a look at the small and simple things, it is easy to be happy.  

Here is my 100 things today I am grateful for:

1. I am thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ and that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and everything that encompasses. (I could write a whole other 100 things just in this category.)
2. I am thankful for my husband.  He is my BEST FRIEND and gosh dang, I love him!
3. I am thankful that my husband is so stinkin' SMART!
4. I am thankful for my artsy Hannah.
5. I am thankful for my vibrant Emmy.
6. I am thankful for my husband's job.
7. I am thankful for my job(s) I have that enables me to stay home.
8. I am grateful for my parents.  It was not easy being a child of divorce, but I am thankful for the experience.  It has helped me to grow as a person.  I have learned so much from both of my parents and the sacrifices that were made, I am grateful for.  Dad, I am thankful for the fishing trips.  Mom, I am grateful for Words with Friends.
9. I am thankful for my siblings.  I am grateful I got to be the oldest.  My personality suits the position well.
10. I am thankful for my Grandparents.  Oh boy, am I grateful for them!  I am so blessed to have such AMAZING grandparents.  Such wonderful examples...I would not be who I am today without them!
11. I am thankful for my Aunts and Uncles and my cousins....and my GREAT Aunts and Uncles.  Who would have thought my Great Aunt would become my Utah Mom???
12. I am thankful for my In-laws.  They have blessed my life in more ways than they ever will know.
13. I am thankful for ALL my wonderful friends and that our friendships continue to grow and become sweeter.
14. I am thankful for all of the teachers my girls have had.  It is true that it "takes a village to raise a child."
15. I am thankful for temple and the sacred blessings that come from that.
16. I am thankful for my country and those who sacrifice their lives to serve it.
17. I am thankful for Max.
18. I am thankful for the park across the street....and sidewalk chalk.
19. I am thankful for mountains.
20. I am thankful for clothes and that my family has them to wear.
21. I am thankful for tulips and gerbera daisies.
22. I am thankful for fruits and vegetables.
23. I am thankful for Facebook.
24. I am thankful for technology...especially my phone.
25. I am thankful for my house in "BFE."
26. I am thankful for my car(s).
27. I am thankful for sour cream.
28. I am especially thankful for Cadbury Mini Eggs.  I am only blessed with them once a year so I savor the moment.
29. I am thankful for my couches and kitchen table.  I have been coveting getting new ones but I am grateful for the ones I do have.
30. I am thankful for Lucky Charms.
31. I am thankful for the "Potty Time" App on my phone.
32. I am thankful for toilet paper.
33. I am thankful for lotion and chapstick.
34. I am thankful for my sewing machine.
35. I am thankful for Texas Roadhouse and Applebees.
36. I am thankful for Finding Nemo.
37. I am thankful for Emmy and Hannah dollars.
38. I am thankful for my education and being on the high school newspaper.
39. I am thankful for scissors.
40. I am thankful for medicine and Boogie Wipes.
41. I am thankful for coupons.
42. I am thankful for cameras and that my Grandma takes pictures.
43. I am thankful for the sun and nice weather.
44. I am thankful for deodorant.
45. I am thankful ice water.
46. I am thankful I have lost 13 lbs.
47. I am thankful for my church leaders growing up.
48. I am thankful for laughter.
49. I am thankful for the Barbie and Tinkerbell Movies.
50. I am thankful for insurance.
51. I am thankful that I can't sing but other people can.
52. I am thankful for mail, especially from Grandmas.
53. I am thankful for blankets.
54. I am thankful for heat, air conditioning, water, electricity, etc. (even if it is $500, I am still grateful.)
55. I thankful for everyday learning.
56. I am thankful for learning to serve others.
57. I am thankful for my gazillion pillows.
58. I am thankful for Holidays.
59. I am thankful for my washer and dryer and dishwasher and stove and fridge.
60. I am thankful for Princess Candy Land.
61. I am thankful for Sunday dinners, who's ever house they are at
62. I am thankful for 717.
63. I am thankful for Maverick...it played an important role in my life not too long ago.
64. I am thankful for my ward.
65. I am thankful for painted toenails.
66. I am thankful for Boxtops.
67. I am thankful for Jamesport and Amish Bread.
68. I am thankful for "Screw the Green, Go for the Gold!"
69. I am thankful for heroes.
70. I am thankful for volunteers.
71. I am thankful for imaginary friends.
72. I am thankful for paper plates.
73. I am thankful for my ceiling fan.  
74. I am thankful for "9 virgins."
75. I am thankful for my trials- as hard as it is at the time, I always end up learning from them.
76. I am thankful for toothpaste.
77. I am thankful for vacations.
78. I am thankful for animals.
79. I am thankful for Canasta and Scrabble.
80. I am thankful for BBQ ribs and mashed potatoes/potato salad.
81. I am thankful for cookies.
82. I am thankful for my teachers.
83. I am thankful for Legos.
84. I am thankful for learning.
85. I am thankful for books.
86. I am thankful for glasses.
87. I am thankful for Utah Park.
88. I am thankful for the State Fair.
89. I am thankful for my dresser and bunkbeds.
90. I am thankful for bees.
91. I am thankful for creativity.
92. I am thankful for Newegg.com and Amazon and Google.
93. I am thankful for the artwork on my fridge and on my dresser and on my desk and in my nightstand.
94. I am thankful for socks...even if they are all over the floor.
95. I am thankful for Mulan.
96. I am thankful for the candy bowl.
97. I am thankful for stickers.
98. I am thankful for naps.
99. I am thankful for lessons learned.
100. I am thankful for YOU!

I know this is very cheesy, but that's my "style" as my husband would say.  I guess I am grateful for who I am and who I have become.

The "F' word vs the "F" word

One thing hasn't changed since I quit work...and that is the fact that I still have Fibromyalgia.  It is best described as chronic, widespread pain throughout the body due to overactive nerves.  Most days I can get through the day.  I take medication to help but sometimes it just isn't enough.

It isn't something I talked about much when I was working.  I would talk about it when I deemed necessary. If I was having a really bad day where it took everything out of me to work, then I would tell my assistant or sales lead that it was a bad "fibro" day.  I went quite some time without even telling my boss.  I never wanted it to affect my work nor did I want it to hinder any type of decision made about my job performance or moving up in the company.

The last four days have been rough ones.  I have had enough strength to get through the things I absolutely HAD to do and then I would crash.  I always say a little prayer to help have enough strength and then I do...but never more then what I pray for.  I guess this is my trial in life.  It's something I will have to deal with the rest of my life unless they come out with better "drugs."

They even say losing weight would help.  I have tried hard to lose weight since I quit work.  I have lost 12 pounds so far.  It's a catch 22 though.  Losing weight is suppose to help but you have to have the energy and "unsoreness" (a Tinaism) to exercise to lose the weight.  Today I had the energy to walk for a half hour around the park and that, I was grateful for.

Tonight I realized something though.  (As a side note, again, I have to give credit to my husband for sticking by my side.  He understands I have "bad" days and lets me be.  He takes care of the girls and lets me rest.)  When I was working, I would go to work, come home, many times not have ANY energy to do ANYTHING and go straight to bed.

Tonight, when I went to lay down after dinner, I thought about the past four days.  Friday, I went and volunteered at Hannah's school and took home a big project to do for her teacher.  That night, I had 3 giggly, seven year-olds at my house where we took them for ice cream. Then...I crashed.  Saturday, I woke up, helped clean my church building, worked on the project for Hannah's teacher, delivered Girl Scout cookies and then I crashed...  Sunday, daylight saving time did not help things.  Yet, I was able to get up and go teach my cute, little Primary class.  Once again, I came home and crashed.  Today, I was able to go to Hannah's "Student of the Month" Assembly and watch her get her award.  I then went out to lunch with my very special Great Aunt and Uncle...Aunt Linda and Uncle Boyd.  I then took Emmy to the park and spent an hour and a half walking and doing sidewalk chalk with her.  I then crashed...

ALL of these things I did not get to do before because I was in survival mode.  Work, rest, work, sleep.  At least now when I "crash,"  I spent time doing the most important things in my life.  I don't want Emilee and Hannah to remember their mom as someone who was always too "tired" for them.

I may always have the "F" word but at the least now I am spending more time living.

Mountains vs Moments

I love the mountains of Utah.  When I first moved here from Colorado, I was in awe at how beautiful they were.  When Joe and I first started dating, he would make fun of me for how many times during our dates I would say, "Oh how I just love the mountains."  It was interesting but most of the stores I worked at, there was a view of the mountains, starting at Albertsons.

The store at Albertsons was so close to the mountains.  I remember walking out of the store at the end of my shift and being taken back by their beauty.  You couldn't see them unless you walked out of the store.  Walking in, your back was to them and the store didn't have many windows.  Sometimes the light would shine just right on them so they looked as though they were a huge painting in the sky.

My store in Orem was even closer.  I have tons and tons of pictures in my gallery that I would take as I walked into work in the morning and the sunrise, again, made them almost imaginary.  The store faced sideways to them so I could look walking in or out of the store.

My last store I worked at, it faced the mountains and had tons of windows.  Throughout the day, I could marvel at their beauty.  I was at that store for a whole year so I watched the mountains go through their seasons.  I started in the winter where they were covered in snow.  Then they moved through spring where there were still spots of snow but green started to peak through.  Summer came and the whole mountains were lush with green and the sun would make them sparkle majestically.  Fall hit and the colors on them looked like a huge canvas of painted wonder.  Then winter hit again...

This morning, I woke up to Hannah asking what time it was.  I told her and laid my head back on the pillow.  Then I again woke to the sound of Joe rustling through the drawers in the bathroom.  He was looking for razors.  Hannah came and gave me a hug and kiss goodbye.  When Joe left, he yelled up the stairs he loved me and to have a good day.  A few minutes later, I got out of bed and did the "potty pep talk" with Emmy that we have been doing every morning the last couple of days.  I had some funny conversations with her and got her breakfast.  I then began to cry.

I was flooded with emotion.  I love my family so much and as I reflect on the last seven years of my life, I thought about all the moments I missed.  I thought about how tired and stressed I had been the last couple of years.  I would come home, fix dinner and go to bed.  Then hit the repeat button.  On my days off, I would hurry and cram grocery shopping and laundry in.  Some days, I was even too tired to do that.  I never stopped to look at the "mountains" in my life.  The beauty.  The joy.  Why did I do this to myself?  Why did I let myself be taken over with stress and tiredness?  I did it to support my family.  But while I was busy supporting my family, was I really supporting them?

I think of all the times I was on my phone during dinner and missed Hannah's conversation about her day.  I think about all the presentations and parties I missed at Hannah's school.  I even missed Hannah learning to ride her bike.  Her babysitter taught her.  I missed Emmy learning to walk and talk and grow.  All the sudden she is 3!  I missed dates with my husband and ignored him so many times.  The fact that he is still married to me tells you what kind of man he is.  I missed family events and often conversations I could had with loved ones.

This morning, I stopped and looked at the beauty of the "mountains" again.  I gave Emmy a hug as she colored in her Dora coloring book.  "Mom, I am going to color you a wonderful picture," she says and in the same breath, "I am going to be a fairy today."

Often mountains are referred to trials and climbing over them.  In my case, mountains are the beauty that surrounds me.  As I would often stand and look at the mountains at work, I now stand and treasure the moments placed before me.

We all have to work, in different ways.  Sometimes we get really busy and stressed.  Sometimes it takes over.  But just stop for a moment, for just a second, and look at the beauty of the "mountains."

Change vs Care Bears and TinkerBell

Facilitating Change...It was one of the competencies as a manager for T-mobile.  It was the ability to help your team overcome a change in a process or in the company.  It was probably my favorite. Not because I love change, but because I love figuring out how to get through it.

Every company I have always worked for had changes.  You never knew when opening your email box what announcement there was going to be.  It could be a change I agreed with or one that I was not very fond of.  No matter what it was, I usually had to find a way to win my team over with the idea.

The hardest one was changes to the commission structure.  I would have a meeting with the team and butter them up with food and with the most exciting voice possible, "Guess what...we get to go through another change..."  The key word there was "we."

It was never about pawning the change off onto them and then walking away from the situation.  One of my most favorite bosses taught me an important concept:  "Yes, things are changing.  I might not agree with it (or maybe I do), but regardless, it is happening whether we like it or not.  But GUESS WHAT!? We get to go through it together!"  I loved this concept.  I truly believed it was the only way to keep morale up with any change, that maybe, some thought was for the worse.  Yet, we would get through it...together.

Care Bears and Tinkerbell are the shows of choice for Emilee lately.  She will watch them over and over and over again!  Ironically, both shows involve a story about change.

In Care Bears, there is a young, blonde boy named Nicholas.  He finds a magic spell book and uses it to cast evil spells on people he doesn't like and becomes evil himself.  The Care Bears get involved and "yada, yada, yada"....He changes into a good boy.  Once again, the Care Bears save the day.

Tinkerbell is helping the animals cross into "winter." While doing so, her wings change into some sparkly colors and she wonders what the heck this is all about.  So she crosses over into winter (which is against the rules of the "warm" fairies)  to talk to "The Keeper." She wants to find out why her wings changed different colors.  While she is there, she discovers she has a sister.  "Yada, Yada, Yada"...Tinkerbell's life changes forever because she has a new found sister and they end up changing the rules so there is no rule against crossing into winter.

Change is inevitable.  It is going to happen in our lives regardless if we like the change or not.  Sometimes, we ourselves, create the change.  Most of the time, we create the change because something needed to be changed. Sometimes it is a change forced upon us.  Sometimes it is our job situation, our weight, our spirituality...the list can go on and on. Sometimes we want to change the world.  Other times, the world wants to change us. Sometimes we have support; other times we don't.  That is just life.  Yet, if we reach inside ourselves, we can find the strength to endure changes.  Sometimes the only way to find happiness inside ourselves is to change.  Sometimes it's not easy but that is why we are here, right?  The fun part is figuring it out!

"If we don't change, we don't grow.  If we don't grow, we aren't really living."- Gail Sheehy

I just wish Emilee would change her choice of shows every once in while...add a little spice to my day.

The Totem Pole vs The Subway Station

 The totem pole is a tall structure with many carvings discovered by early Europeans.  It usually towers high into the sky.  Some were made by different tribes and are said to be a symbol of importance.  It is said if a family had a totem pole in front of their house, it was there to show the success of their family. This coined the term "climbing your way up the totem pole."

 It was always something that happened to me, whether I wanted it to or not.  I have always been "approached"  about moving to the next step.  I knew that when I was "approached," then I was ready...except in one instance.

I had just gone back to work.  It was 5 weeks after I had Emilee.  I did not want to return to work early because I had a C-section and I was suffering from terrible baby blues.  I had to go back though because my FMLA was up.  Two months prior to having Emilee, I was put on bed rest.  FMLA allows 3 months of leave.  This led to me returning to work early.

I had been passed up several times for being promoted before my leave because of many reasons.  I think my superior struggled with the fact I was a woman, not to mention, I was pregnant.  I struggled with getting passed up time and time again.  I knew I was capable.  It wasn't until after I left, the store I was an assistant manager for declined rapidly in performance.  I think my superior then realized I was "ready."  I was scared of him.  He was intimidating and "hard to read."

Five days after I returned back to work, he asked me to be manager of a particular store.  I think he was immediately expecting me to say "yes"  since I had been passed up before.  I proceeded to tell him, “I would think about it.”  After consulting family and my husband and getting their input, I turned to the Lord.  It did not feel right.  I knew it wasn't right.  I was only 5 weeks into having a brand new baby and so much of the business had changed while I was gone.  Yet, I could not, did not want to face telling him "no."  Again, he was scary.

I remember the phone call.  I called and told him that I felt if I was promoted at that time, I would fail the store, my family and myself.  I wasn't ready.  It was the hardest conversation for me.  Not only was I passing up a promotion, but I could be passing up ever getting promoted again.  He did not like hearing "No."  He ended up promoting another peer.

Everything worked out as it usually does when you listen to the Spirit.  Shortly after, he decided to leave the company. I was interviewed by one of my favorite bosses ever.  I was promoted and took over a store I had previously worked at.  I never felt more confident that I could do the job, and I knew it was the right time and the right store.

I climbed the totem pole when I was supposed to, even though it took some time.

The subway station is a place where thousands of people pass through them every day.  It is often underground and is known as a "rapid transit system."  It takes people from one destination to the other quickly, yet it stays at the same level.

I have discovered that being home, I no longer am approached about "moving up the totem pole,"  but rather have caught a ride on the subway.

My life has moved so quickly since I have been home...ha, and I thought it would slow down.  Through some crazy happenings, I now have a copy-writing job obtained from writing this blog which I was prompted to write one night in bed.

I thought that when I stayed home, I would be able to keep the house clean, stay caught up on laundry, and grocery shopping would be a breeze.  When I was working, I felt these things were harder to get done and when I quit work, they would certainly get done.

I was wrong.  I jumped on the subway, and when I thought the next stop was "Clean the House," it was "Clean up Emmy's potty mess."  Then I thought for sure the next stop was, "Your Laundry will be done and neatly folded."  It ended up being, "You need to deliver 150 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies."

I do know one thing for sure.  At this time, the subway is what I am suppose to be riding instead of climbing...up the totem pole.

Pay Day vs Pay Day

I love Pay Day.  It's the day I look at my bank account on my phone and money magically appears. Then the adrenaline rush comes to see how fast I can pay the bills.  When I was working, Pay Day was more frequent.  I was paid on different days than Joe so money with the "plus" sign next to it was there more often.  Now pay day consists of two days a month, unless I do the odd jobs to bring in extra income.  Today my odd job was selling some things on our Eagle Mountain 24/7 Yard Sale site.  Yeah, I am pretty awesome.  I made $10. 

The nice thing about Pay Day is it is a reward for being employed and working hard.  It is a simple equation really: employment=money. 

When I was working, my girls had no structure.  I would have my sister-in-law, Becca come every two weeks to clean my house.  (That was her pay day.)  On my days off,  I had two options.  I tried to cram as much as I could in or I would rest from being so exhausted.  Emilee and Hannah were spoiled.  They were given what they wanted, when they wanted and if "No" was told to them, they would have a melt down. Chores consisted of getting ready for the day and going to bed at night.  If cleaning was to get done, it was by Becca or myself.  It was easier this way.  I didn't have the energy to put into arguing with them.

I knew this was not right as a parent but as a working individual, the thought of teaching my children these principles overwhelmed me.  When I quit my job, I knew they needed structure and to be taught the simple principles of hard work and earning their rewards.  My first day home, I thought about what I could do to teach my girls to work hard, earn money and save.

Thus, Pay Day started in our family.  I made these $100 bills with Hannah and Emilee's faces on them.  We call them "Hannah" dollars and "Emmy" dollars.


They each have a list of things they must do to earn these dollars.  The list consists of things such as obeying, doing homework without a fuss(for Hannah), going on the potty(for Emmy), putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket, cleaning up their toys, etc.  They then can save their dollars to earn prizes.

$10- a treat out of the treat bucket
$20- ice cream at the ice cream shop
$30- toy at the $1 store
$60- Mommy or Daddy daughter date
$100- Big toy at Walmart

Each night we have Pay Day. We gather at the "bank," which is our bed and I open the "cash register" which is a Tupperware container that contains their dollars.  I read off the list and they tell me if they earned a dollar for that category.  At first Hannah had a hard time saving her money.  Every $10 she earned, went straight back to the banker to buy her treat.  Emmy, on the other hand, loves ice cream.  She would save her money to earn an ice cream.  Once Emmy received her ice cream, Hannah realized she wanted an ice cream too and started saving her money.  One day, Hannah worked all morning just so she could have an ice cream along with Emmy.

We have been doing this for exactly one month now.  Emmy currently has 56 "Emmy" dollars in her piggy bank and Hannah has 32 "Hannah" dollars.  Hannah is trying to catch up to Emmy.  They are both working to get $100 so they can go to Walmart.  Emmy has her eye on a new Barbie. 

I am really pleased with the outcome of this.  I love Pay Day now for different reasons.  I love seeing the excitement every night when the girls hop on our bed before family prayer and we have to count their dollars to see what they are at.  I love seeing how they have learned the importance of working hard, earning money and saving.  It is fun! 

Being a good mom to my girls is my Pay Day.  And, well, that is priceless.