One thing hasn't changed since I quit work...and that is the fact that I still have Fibromyalgia. It is best described as chronic, widespread pain throughout the body due to overactive nerves. Most days I can get through the day. I take medication to help but sometimes it just isn't enough.
It isn't something I talked about much when I was working. I would talk about it when I deemed necessary. If I was having a really bad day where it took everything out of me to work, then I would tell my assistant or sales lead that it was a bad "fibro" day. I went quite some time without even telling my boss. I never wanted it to affect my work nor did I want it to hinder any type of decision made about my job performance or moving up in the company.
The last four days have been rough ones. I have had enough strength to get through the things I absolutely HAD to do and then I would crash. I always say a little prayer to help have enough strength and then I do...but never more then what I pray for. I guess this is my trial in life. It's something I will have to deal with the rest of my life unless they come out with better "drugs."
They even say losing weight would help. I have tried hard to lose weight since I quit work. I have lost 12 pounds so far. It's a catch 22 though. Losing weight is suppose to help but you have to have the energy and "unsoreness" (a Tinaism) to exercise to lose the weight. Today I had the energy to walk for a half hour around the park and that, I was grateful for.
Tonight I realized something though. (As a side note, again, I have to give credit to my husband for sticking by my side. He understands I have "bad" days and lets me be. He takes care of the girls and lets me rest.) When I was working, I would go to work, come home, many times not have ANY energy to do ANYTHING and go straight to bed.
Tonight, when I went to lay down after dinner, I thought about the past four days. Friday, I went and volunteered at Hannah's school and took home a big project to do for her teacher. That night, I had 3 giggly, seven year-olds at my house where we took them for ice cream. Then...I crashed. Saturday, I woke up, helped clean my church building, worked on the project for Hannah's teacher, delivered Girl Scout cookies and then I crashed... Sunday, daylight saving time did not help things. Yet, I was able to get up and go teach my cute, little Primary class. Once again, I came home and crashed. Today, I was able to go to Hannah's "Student of the Month" Assembly and watch her get her award. I then went out to lunch with my very special Great Aunt and Uncle...Aunt Linda and Uncle Boyd. I then took Emmy to the park and spent an hour and a half walking and doing sidewalk chalk with her. I then crashed...
ALL of these things I did not get to do before because I was in survival mode. Work, rest, work, sleep. At least now when I "crash," I spent time doing the most important things in my life. I don't want Emilee and Hannah to remember their mom as someone who was always too "tired" for them.
I may always have the "F" word but at the least now I am spending more time living.
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