KID talk

So I have a problem.

When I was working outside the home, I was very involved with the adult world.  In fact, that's all I dealt with.  I maybe dealt with kids(including my own) 2 hours a day tops.  I always loved kids, it just wasn't part of my job.  In fact, I always wanted to be a teacher.  That was my dream.  Instead, I ended up in the corporate world, babysitting adults and metrics.

When I quit working, I dabbled a little here and a little there with what I wanted to do.  Then there became a need for me to start babysitting a child for a friend.  Then it became babysitting another kid for another friend.  Then it became babysitting two more children for another friend.  And then pretty soon, I had people chasing me down to babysit their children...which I was fine with because I needed the money.

So now my day consists of cartoons, learning our letters and animal sounds, doing a craft with Cheerios, breaking up arguments and singing songs...every day.  AND I love it!  But here is the problem...

There are women in the neighborhood who do get-togethers at the park and restaurants and what not.  It sounds fun and they invite everyone.  In my head, it sounds like fun but my stomach and anxiety say otherwise.  I feel like if I go and socialize I will squish up like a bug caught in a spider's web.

I guess I have come to the conclusion that I only speak "Kid" now.  I get anxiety thinking about interacting with adults.  What do I talk about?  It's not like I can sit there and sing "ABC's" and "Old McDonald" with them.  That would actually be kinda funny.  

Going to anything that has to do with mingling with other women scares me.  Is it because I am more comfortable with kids?  Heck yes it is.  They are fun!  You can make funny faces and laugh silly and dance.  And they say the darndest things!  One little girl told me she is scared of the rain because her mom will blow away.  Another one told me that I better get an apple tree and bucket so she can pick an apple for her mom.  The older ones I can be sarcastic with. 

I love these little ones.  

I guess talking with kids and making lions for the letter L is much more fun than giving a quarterly presentation on my metrics.  

And as far as interacting with adults...well...

"You will find more happiness growing down than up." -Author Unknown

Dear Mr. Ullman

This is a letter I wrote today...thought I would share.  Maybe if enough people see it, then my sister can go to school without suffering from heat exhaustion.

Dear Mr. Ullman,

                Now I know you are a newly appointed CEO.  I congrulate you for that.  I want to tell you a story.  My mom and I had a conversation yesterday.  She had just picked up my sister from high school for another half day.  This is her 8^th day in a row of half days.  You see, she attends JCPenney High School in Hamilton, MO.  You may or may not know this but JC Penney high school was named after the founder of your company.  He grew up in Hamilton, MO.  There is even a museum there for him.  This high school is famous for their sports in their small town.  The town rallies around their school, especially for football season.  But it is awfully hard for these kids to get the education they deserve when they have half days.  You know why they have had half days every single day since school started???  Because their school doesn’t have air conditioning!!!  It is so dang hot that they have to let the kids out before noon because it gets too hot in the school.  My sister said she has migraines from the heat.  Today the classroom tempurature reached 93 degrees.  They have the same problem at the end of the school year.  So why am I writing you?  Because this is the school named after your company--This school is your founder’s school!!!  These kids could possibly be working for you some day…and they can’t have a full day of education because it’s so blasted hot in YOUR company’s school.  Granted, I know they probably enjoy having half days except they don’t enjoy the time they are at school with the heat and can’t concentrate because their heads are pounding.

Now I know there was a ton of controversy around the ad you presented about kids being the “cool” kids at school by what they wear and it entices bullying.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/14/jcpenney-back-to-school-ad_n_3756517.html (I actually shop at JCPenney’s.  I bought my daughter’s clothes there last year and I currently buy my husband’s clothes there because you sell Big and Tall clothes at a decent price.  I appreciate you doing that!)  But here is the deal,  I think you can redeem yourselves here by actually making these kids “cool” at your school.  It’s not just the kids, but can you imagine being a teacher and teaching in the hot building?  I can’t even imagine...I keep my thermostat at 70!  Now I know they didn’t have air conditioning back when James Cash Penney was born in 1875, but we are in the 21^st century.  Technology is expanding every day and having a background working with Apple, you should know this.  If you want these kids to be the next generation, they the need a FULL day of education EVERY DAY…not just when it’s cool enough for them to attend.

I really look forward to hearing that you had taken a great intiative as new CEO, and taken this little school in Hamilton, MO under your wing and make it a “cool” school!

Sincerely,

Tina Sterzer, a concerned sister

"I will be back when I want it. Not when I need it."

There is this episode in M.A.S.H. where Hawkeye decides to give up drinking for one week after he receives his bar tab.  The first day he feels great.  A couple of days later, he is feeling grumpy.  On the fifth day, he is operating on a North Korean who starts to set a grenade off in the operating room.  Hawkeye catches it and with the help of Father Mulcahy, they are able to disarm the grenade.  It then shows a scene where the group is sitting at the bar and they order their drinks.  Hawkeye orders a drink.  Everyone is shocked and he says, "Hey, look, I need this drink."  Then he looks at the drink and sets it down.  He gets up from the bar and says, "I will be back when I want it.  Not when I need it."

On Thursday, I was folding some clothes and I just happened to turn on the TV to Katie Couric.  I was just catching the beginning of the last interview.  The show was about moms whose vices, or coping mechanisms of dealing with the day to day grind, turn into addictions.  I guess in the two previous interviews, she had talked with women who had used alcohol and prescription meds to cope.  The last interview I found very interesting.

This lady was addicted to Facebook.  From the time she woke up in the morning till about 3 am the next morning, she was on Facebook.  She had over 5000 friends...and most were people she had never even met.  She would read their posts, create her own, obsess over who commented and liked her posts and do it all over again.  She would ignore her family.  She said she may have been there physically but she was not there mentally.  She also said that is how she communicated with people.  Her family became this virtual world of people who she did not know in person.  This particular interview resonated with me.

Friday morning, I had a conversation with my husband about his friend's wife.  He said she was always on Facebook or reading and never got anything done around the house.  He was working and had to come home and clean and do laundry and cook, all while she was on Facebook.

I then found myself justifying me getting on Facebook to my husband.  "Well, I only check a couple of times a day for this, and this and this..."  Then somehow, me playing my games on my phone was brought up.  I had never thought about it in that way.  I do play games on my phone.  Especially at night, when I am not watching kids anymore.  I use it as my way to "unwind" from the day.  It leaves my husband and I both in bed, on our phones.  He reads "Tom's Hardware" and I play games.  Then I turn on M.A.S.H. and we fall asleep.  This is usually our nightly routine.

All day on Friday, it started to bother me.  Am I spending too much time on Facebook and my games?  What would I be doing otherwise?  Maybe I would read more scripture, lose weight, meet more friends in person, etc.

So on Friday night, I told me husband I was giving up Facebook, games and texting for 48 hours.  (I thought too much communication happened on Facebook for me to go longer than that.)  He was shocked.  He asked me why.  I told him because I wanted to....and I needed to.  I needed to see how addicted I was. 

So Friday night at midnight (yes, I was up) I turned it off and signed out.  Saturday morning I woke and thought, This is going to be easy.  I got ready and went grocery shopping, without bringing my phone.  Then around 3 o'clock, I start convulsing....ok, not really, but I did start to get anxiety.  I wanted to check Facebook soooo bad!  I wanted to play my games.  I told myself to snap out of it and I moved on with my day.  I cooked dinner with my family and that night, in bed, I talked with my husband instead of playing on my phone.

Now Sunday became interesting.  I woke up and immediately went to check my phone.  Then I realized I was still on sabbatical from Facebook.  I was doing somewhat okay until they made the announcement in Church that there was to be no more auxiliary Facebook groups.  That we should model after the Church in this regard.

Ummmm, I thought, was it premonition that I give up Facebook?  I mean some of the whole reason I was on Facebook was to check the women's group to see who needed help, who the new person was in town, when activities were...etc, etc, etc. 

I got home from church to find my phone buzzing with Facebook friend requests from people that I didn't know.  So I received permission to get on Facebook from my husband and jumped on.  I checked the women's group and found many interesting comments about the whole situation and found that many women had decided to start Facebook friend  requesting everyone in the group because of the "close" bond the group shared.  

I mulled it over and over how I felt about this.  I thought about all the times I had used that group.  Heck, that group helped me feel comfortable going back to church again after I quit my job.  I felt like I knew them because of that group.  It broke my heart.  Then my whole outlook on this "No Facebook"  journey began to shift into something more.

Today, I woke up knowing that I could check Facebook.  I realized I really didn't want to.  Then something interesting happened... my house got really, really clean.  Sure I cleaned my house before, but not like this.  Then you know what else happened... my husband and I had a really good talk.  One that I had been avoiding...  My anxiety of having my "blanket" with me all the time was now gone.  It was almost relief.  

I think Facebook can be a wonderful tool.  It has reunited me with some wonderful people in my life.  It helps me update my family on my life, all at once.  I get spiritual messages from it.  Really good recipes.  But you know what it became...it became a blanket for covering up real communication...and I never had really thought about it that way before.  

When was the last time I walked over to a friend's house to say "Hi?"  I don't remember because I have on Facebook.   When was the last time I sent pictures in the mail to my loved ones?  I don't because I post them on Facebook.  When was the last time I introduced myself in person to a neighbor?  Before I had Facebook...

Our behavior as society has totally changed from "the good 'ol days."  Everyone HAS a Facebook account.  That's how we communicate....will it change? No.  But I can change me.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I don't want Facebook to be a distraction from who I really am.  I don't want my games to be a distraction.  There are a lot more things in my life that I need.  It's been nice to have these "distractions" in my life but my life is going to continue on for awhile without it... at least as often.  So if you want the joys of being my friend, which I think I make a dang good one, let's do it outside of the virtual world. 

The ironic thing is when I am done writing this, I am going to post it on Facebook.  How else are ya'll going to read it?